For many women in leadership, the answer is yes.
Perfectionism isn’t vanity — it’s survival.
We learn to excel not to shine, but to stay safe.
Studies show that socially prescribed perfectionism — the belief that others expect us to be flawless — is especially common among women in high-pressure roles (Hewitt & Flett, 1991).
And as Brené Brown writes, perfectionism is not the same as healthy striving — it’s a “twenty-ton shield we carry around, thinking it will protect us from shame.”
Flawless emails. Measured tone. Unshakable presence.
All signs of competence — and all, at times, masks for the quiet fear:
“Will I still be respected if I’m human?”
But here’s what we’re not taught early enough:
Perfection is not power. It’s protection.
And it often costs us authenticity, connection, and ease.
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What I’m learning — in leadership and in life — is this:
✨ Softness is not weakness.
It’s not the opposite of strength — it’s the deepest form of it.
Research in trauma-informed and somatic leadership (Levine, Porges, Dana) shows that the ability to stay open, grounded, and connected — even in pressure — is a marker of resilience, not fragility.
(photo: Flamenco Fusion cu Rimini-Protokoll, la Sibiu, FITS 2025 Sebastian Marcovici)